The words hit me like a slap in the face. My son looked me square in the eye and said, “Please stop sending suggestions. We want to do this ourselves.”

He was talking about his and his fiancee’s upcoming move to Vermont, and he was right. When Tattoo first announced he was moving, my husband and I immediately sprang into parent mode. First thing I did was sit down and start making a list. Captain Pete reserved a UHaul trailer.  The kinds of things parents do when their child is getting ready to move.

But Tattoo’s comment was a stark reminder that his is no longer a child. He is a grown man about to start a new life with his fiancee.  While he loves his parents, this move – and the details – are up to him and his future bride. That’s how life is supposed to work. Tattoo wasn’t being cruel or ungrateful when he asked me to back off.  He was being the capable adult the Captain and I raised him to be.  I am grateful — and proud — that I have a son who wants to be self-reliant.

Still, it’s a bittersweet moment, knowing my role as a mother has forever changed.  Tattoo’s not just moving; he’s moving in with the love of his life.  From now on, she will be the one whose shoulder he’ll cry on, who will get the recap of his day over coffee. She will be the center of his family now.

That’s the way it should be.  As I told Tattoo, the other night, when facing a choice between his mother and his wife, a husband should always side with his wife. It’s time for the two of them to do things together. On their own

My job is done.

 

  1. *Sniff Sniff* You’re so right, yet this put a lump in my throat. Mine are launched or moving in that direction, and it is very hard to let go and not want to ‘do’ for them all the things we have throughout their lives. Hugs to you, and kudos for recognizing when it’s time to step back and let them be on their own.

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